Raking Leafs

Mixing metaphors and casting cliches about hockey and the Maple Leafs for the ether's pleasure since MCMLXVII.


I told you already, I suck at tag

P3, or formally PPP, tagged me to join in on Jes' fantasy fun. Calder candidate Theory of Ice has a round-up of all participants.

I've done this a few times before, mostly messing with mullet length for EA NHL franchises. My buddies and I usually all play on the same team, so we each create our 'dream' selves then proceed to crush all comers. This is unusual to most gamers, who prefer the glory of beating one's friends. But I find this is where 'sport' video games distance themselves from traditional FPS, piloting, and RPGs. Chimps can learn patterns, but can they find the trailer on an odd-man rush?

Team: Leafs.

Uniform Number: 22 9

Position: Left handed Right wing.

Nickname: Hunter

Dream Linemates: Brendan Shanahan, Joe Nieuwendyk. They both played lacrosse.

Rounding out the PP: Mats Sundin on the left point. Al MacInnis on the right.

Job: puck retrieval, third man in. The give, on give and gos. Right half boards on the PP.

Signature Move: The unneeded and play disrupting extra pass

Strengths: Seeing the game. Vision. Hockey Sense.

Weaknesses: Execution

Injury Problems: Right hip - degenerative condition.

Equipment: Koho Euro curve. Ugly ass Cooper helmet, ala Joel Otto.

Nemesis: Mario Lemieux. His attitude sucks.

Scandal Involvement: Surveillance video found on YouTube of undetermined NHL player keying Gary Bettman's Lincoln TownCar in the underground parking garage of League headquarters the day before the Maple Leafs play the Rangers at Madison Square Garden. Mike Emrick notes during the broadcast the following day how well rested the visiting team looks having arrived the day before from the West coast because of a scheduling quirk, quipping "#22 seems to have alot of jump tonight."

Who I’d face in the Stanley Cup Finals: Any Original Six Team.

What I’d do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: No idea. I have no frame of reference. Maybe a day trip to the 'dam. Do they play hockey in the Netherlands?

Would the media love me or hate me? Does the media love unbalanced rants by fringe players who call out the refs?

I think most hockey bloggers have been tagged already. I haven't been surfing as much lately, so I'm not sure who has been, and who hasn't, so if you haven't been, please consider this a tag in your general direction. I'll also tag by name a couple of new Leafs blogs/sites; The Blue Bud, No Pun Intended, and DiehardBlueandWhite. Maybe David Johnson will join in the fun too. Shit, maybe Tom B will throw together a profile and forget about all the negatives for a few.

This is fantasy, right?



  • At 2:42 PM, Blogger PPP said…

    Clearly we can't play for the Leafs at the same time without coming to some sort of agreement over # 22.

  • At 2:46 PM, Blogger ninja said…

    I'm sure we can work something out. I'm more partial to #14, but Shanny has it, and he has seniority. I can handle #9. The front of the sweater is what matters.


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